Night Moves
26/03/15
Hummingbird
The internet is a funny old place.
In among all the "which historical despot are you?" quizzes and "24 pictures of places in Scotland" articles, I found last week some people engaged in an angry campaign against eateries that serve their food on anything other than a plate.
I certainly remember my first time encountering this trend.
It was a few years ago in The Butchershop Bar, and I was served a succulent burger in a dreamy brioche bun (before they became the norm).
The chips came in a little tin bucket - which, in 2011, was mind-blowing.
Now things have progressed, and chips come in wee shopping trolleys and tiny deep fat frier baskets.
When it comes to main courses it's open season: you could be eating your fish supper off a piece of slate roofing, a block of stone, a metal tray, out of a wooden vegetable box, or - this is the one that really started it all - your burger from a long wooden board.
Ketchup, which still retains an outlet downstairs in Hummingbird, was one of the first to adopt this board strategy.
There's an unbelievable amount of anger being directed toward the boards on the We Want Plates Facebook. "What is wrong with having ALL your meal together on a PLATE," asks Betty.
"Jesus, Mary & Joseph. It's the end of days," wails Jeni, confronted with a picture of a breaded fish fillet on a board.
Perhaps it's not the board's fault.
Perhaps it's society's fault.
All those people who signed the Jeremy Clarkson petition are probably the ones battering their keyboards complaining about a dish they haven't even been served.
I'd like to see things go the other way: I want fried eggs served on the sole of a shoe; foie gras perched on a garden trowel.
Plates are dead, man. Long live the age of the burger board and the shovel of chips.
Hummingbird
Whats the best thing you've ever found?
1. Stuart Mackenzie, 29, Gorbals, £10 outside Nando's
Jonathan Golby, 30, Finnieston, Jesus
2. Steven "Whipper" Nicolson, 30, Bridge of Weir
Favourite Club? Sub club
Favourite Bar? Park bar
Favourite DJ? Theo Kottis
Favourite Band? Coldplay
First Club? The Shack
What You Drinking? Cosmopolitans
Describe Your Dancing? Groovy, funky, fresh
3. Stephen Elliott, 31, Livingston, My wife
Catriona Elliott, 33, Livingston, My house
4. Zoe Mullaney, 22, Glasgow, A four star, all-inclusive holiday for £300
Stuart Martin, 29, Glasgow. An Aberdeen crest shiny sticker at the side of the road for my 1996/97 SPL Panini album
5.Cliff Thorburn, 29, Partick, Bonny
Bonny Stevens, 29, Partick, A deserted beach in Spain
6. Calum Murray, 30, West End, The Holy Grail
Kirsty Fraser, 24, West End, Cake
7. Lisa Bruce, 29, West End, £10 on Bath St
Kenny Money, 29, Houston, a stash of adult magazines on the golf course
Colleen McCaffrey, 29, Houston, Stirling University
8. Ali Scott, 29, West End, A box of Irn Bru Bars
Cassi Scott, 29, West End, Breaking Bad
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