SO what's it going to take? A big guy in a black suit hissing and snorting like a deranged steam engine while waving a light sabre? Laugh if you will at the brave, if occasionally misguided, souls who warn the Ministry of Defence of weird astral happenings and strange lights in the sky.

Think of the resident of Johnstone who last year reported: "One pure-orange object that was spherical. The size of a street light." Well, I suppose to someone living in Johnstone a working street lamp could be a novelty.

Or how about the Coatbridge space cadet who called to describe " a triangular object which changed to a round shape, then became elongated. It had red lights on it plus a blue circle around it".

From a certain angle, like lying on the pavement with a head full of alcohol, I suppose a passing police car might look just like that; except, of course, cops daring to patrol Coatbridge is pure science fiction.

Last year was a bumper time for UFO spotters, with nearly 100 sightings reported across the UK and, as befits the department entrusted with the nation's safety, the MoD dutifully recorded every one.

The scary part is that's all they did.

The official line is, and I quote: "Unless there is evidence of a potential threat we don't investigate to try and identify it."

So if Darth Vader, Predator and sundry aliens with acid for saliva and more teeth than a private dentist deserves are going to drop by, the first we'll know about it will probably be the last as well.

Realistically of course, most UFOs will have a logical down- to-earth explanation, like the Cumbrian who told of "a rectangular object with lights. One green, one red and two amber."

Hit me like a traffic light did that one.

Oddly enough, although I have never seen a flying saucer - on one hormonally-charged occasion a fully-loaded frying pan did have me seeing stars (she was pregnant at time and I'm the forgiving type) - my father has been luckier.

One night trudging home to a cottage on a pitch dark hill on Loch Fyneside he spotted a UFO.

As he's one of the saner members of the family, I am inclined to believe he did see something like a double- decker bus with two rows of lights gliding past a few thousand feet in the air.

Especially when my mother confirmed he was sober and terrified.

How many people who saw strange triangular craft were scoffed at before US stealth fighters and bombers were revealed?

And that's where the MoD is letting us all down. Not covering up a universe full of bug-eyed monsters, but treating us like sensible adults.

Let's see a few UFOs become IFOs because if ET is out there, I'd like to lend him my mobi ... on the company account.