Tick-tock, tick-tock. I have a 10,000 word dissertation to do. I have three days left in which to do it.

That's 72 hours. And that's 4280 minutes. I think.

I first noticed the creature about three months ago. He was a tiny little thing, strolling gaily behind me as I went about my daily business.

He didn't really do much, just reminded me he was there every so often with a little scratch. So I ignored the amiable little fellow.

But then my diminutive partner began to grow. By the time another month had passed, he was fairly sizeable.

While he was still by and large well-behaved, every so often he would be a tad capricious if neglected.

I decided to speak to some people I knew about the slightly puzzling new presence in my life.

As it turned out, some of them had a similar creature nagging at them. Thankfully, the coolest of the crop were doing the same as me, playing it smart, ignoring the fast-growing and increasingly petulant creature in the hope it would lose interest and go away. I hung out with them.

I resolutely ignored the sanctimonious few who claimed they had been friendly with their creature for months, spent lots of time with it, nurturing it, and were now proud the little guy was developing into a fine specimen.

With a month to go, the situation began to get out of hand. He was by this stage a big ugly brute, with a temperament to match. He began taking liberties. I'd be lathering up in the shower, and all of a sudden there the beast would be, scrubbing away with my toothbrush, applying my cherished Brut cologne to his gruesome armpits.

With a week to go, he'd polluted every simple joy in my life.

The peanut butter was polished off. I'd put on some Phil Collins, and he'd just scream, drowning out the great one's dulcet tones. Heck, he even tried to get into my bed, my last remaining sanctuary. Is nothing sacred?

No sleep for me.

So here I am today, left with no option but to try and slay the great behemoth.

It will be a titanic struggle to the death. Armed only with a packet of hobnobs and a cup of tea, I will valiantly step into the breach.

I've 4238 minutes left. Tick-tock, tick-tock