Anyone who knows me, knows that I am rarely lost for words.

However recently I was.

You see, five of us went to Morrison’s supermarket café for breakfast and after much changing of minds, we all finally decided on what we wanted to eat.

“I’ll have the Flying Scotsman,” my daughter ordered herself a big breakfast.

“So will I,” echoed my son Ross.

“I’ll just have a roll and square Lorne sausage with fried onions please,” I asked Ross who was treating us to breakfast.

However, having placed the order Ross returned to the table.

“Sorry mum but they’ve no square sausage left so I’ve ordered you link sausages.”

“None left?” I questioned.

“How can they run out of square sausage if we are actually in a supermarket?”

“They’ve only got raw onions,” he added.

“And I didn’t think you’d want them.”

“Too right I don’t want raw onions,” I narked because I genuinely couldn’t work out how a café within a supermarket could run out of any products!

“Ross there’s a whole shelve of square sausage a few isles away.”

“I know mum, apparently they’ve run out of a few things and it’s only 10am.”

Don’t get me wrong, we ate and enjoyed our breakfast, but were mystified every time we heard the catering assistant say “Sorry but we’ve run out of………”

I was telling the girls this when we caught up for our weekly get together.

“Some people can’t use their own initiative,” Mae deduced.

“And some people are on another planet,” laughed Fiona as she began to tell us about her mother-in-law’s Sadie’s latest faux pas.

Apparently Sadie assists with making the finger buffet for her church’s Thursday evening gospel class, and all was well until after scanning the buffet table, they young girl asked.

“I don’t mean to be a pain but do you have any cheese or egg sandwiches as I’m vegetarian.”

To which Sadie offered.

“Sorry no, but how about these ham sandwiches.”

“No, I can’t eat meat as I’m vegetarian,” the girl repeated.

Sadie’s answer was.

“It’s all right lass, you’ll be fine with these as I’ve used wafer thin ham.”

“Somehow Sadie thought that because the ham was wafer thin it then made it suitable for vegetarians,” Fiona clarified.

“That’s nothing,” Mae added.

“There’s a new young girl working in my local fishmonger and yesterday an elderly man in front of me in the queue decided to wind her up.”

“Four fishcakes please.”

She put them in his carrier bag.

“Two slice of lemon sole.”

The girl tallied the amount up on her note pad as the old codger continued.

“And a leg of salmon.”

“She started and stared nervously into the freezing fish counter at the array of different fish before I butted in.”

“He’s only winding you up hen.”

“Salmon don’t have legs.”

Everyone was laughing at the silly girl until I reminded Fiona of the night many years ago when we had been watching the Aladdin movie and I had commented on how wonderful it would have been to have your very own flying carpet.

To which she replied.

“It’s a shame they only had them in the olden days.”

“What do you mean, had them in the olden days?” I couldn’t believe my ears as she explained.

“Yes, obviously they don’t exist nowadays Janice, but they must have been great in the olden days.”

I had no way of explaining that flying carpets never existed when suddenly my niece Maggie burst in and flopped down on one of the chairs next to us.

“A glass of wine please somebody.”

“You OK Maggie?” I was concerned.

“I’ve had the day from hell and I need to chill out for an hour,” she confessed.

According to Maggie her trip to The Fort shopping centre had been very testing indeed, least of all because it was so busy.

“It took me forever to get parked, and as I was putting the bits and pieces of the pram together one of the levers snapped off in my hand.”

We couldn’t get a word in even if we had wanted to as she ranted.

“The pram was lop sided and when I opened my mouth to shush the screaming baby, a strong gust of wind blew my hair into my mouth which stuck to my chewing gum.”

Maggie took a large gulp of wine before adding.

“I tried to remove it with my fingers but forgot I still had my gloves on which meant the chewing gum stuck like a spiders web to my long hair, my face and my gloves!”

We were exhausted listening to Maggie as she sighed.

“I had to rip out a lump of hair, bin my new gloves and dump the baby with his dad.”

“Cheers girls.”