OUR tale of two cities has reached foreign shores.

Glasgow, a city where deep poverty sits directly alongside middle-class comfort. A city, like most cities, where people sleep on the streets and people sleep in million-pound properties.

A city with a deep south and west divide.

Long has the conflict between whether it’s better to identify as a West Ender or a South Sider enlivened city dinner parties.

The stereotypes are well established. 

West End Wendys with their Glasgow Uni accents, shopping at Waitrose and vying to get their children into Jordanhill School. Almond milk cappuccinos all round for good health.

READ MORE: 'Govanhill munchie box': Glasgow chef in Australia creates one of world's unhealthiest takeaways

Over on the South Side, the well-tended beards of hipsters who are secretly middle class but want to pretend they’re still in touch with reality, properly down to earth. Flat whites for all.

Now those stereotypes have been inadvertently exported to Australia. 

We thought we had enough bother with GMB Scotland boss Gary Smith slating Glasgow.

He had words for the quality of the airport and said the city is suffering from an “epidemic” of rats.

After fighting for years for Glasgow’s low paid women to be compensated – rightly – for carrying the city at cut-price cost for decades, Mr Smith is now criticising Glasgow for running low on cash.

“Filthy” and “unkempt” and in economic and political decline, he said. 

Now this unwholesome reputation is being taken overseas with an export of our worst food.

Scottish chef Chris Orr has taken with him to Melbourne one of Scotland’s culinary embarrassments. He has recreated one of the world’s unhealthiest takeaways, the deep-fried munchie box

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This delight contains deep fried pizza crunch, veggie pakora, chips and curry sauce, chicken tikka, two chip shop style sausages, two seekh kebabs, eight hot wings, cheddar coleslaw, and comes with homemade pink sauce and brown sauce.

It comes in at a whopping 4671 calories, or more than two days’ worth of calorie allowance for women. 

Mr Orr is from Mount Florida, on the South Side, and so it stands to reason he’s given his creation a good Glasgow name. And what’s he called it?

He’s called it the Govanhill Munchie Box Part Two. 

Not Mount Florida. Not Battlefield. He didn’t even branch out to Shawlands. Nope, Govanhill. 

Poor, beleaguered, slandered and slammed Govanhill. 

It now has a food monstrosity – “heart attack material,” Mr Orr says – named after it.

Thanks so much.

As if we didn’t have enough to deal with, practical and reputational. Now we’re forever linked overseas to coronary crushing foodstuffs.

To be fair, Chef Orr is not blazing a trail. I have only ever once in my life eaten a deep fried Mars Bar and that experience was had at Bondi Beach in Sydney.

All around were lithe, tanned, outdoorsy Aussies and there were three Scottish lassies sitting with a deep fried Mars Bar while their American flatmate looked on in undisguised horror.

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A taste of home, except that none of us had ever tasted it at home. 

Still, it’s nice to be famous for something. Tartan, Sir Sean Connery and fat. Oh, and one more thing, let’s not forget.

“I’d love to do something with Buckfast,” the chef says. 

Of course, the munchie box is dripping with meat and thus excludes the proportion of the population who are vegetarian. 

In an inclusive society –and a capitalist society where it’s important to sell as much as you can to as many people as you can -– this will not stand.

Fear not. Chris has a plan. “I’m also going to do a veggie box,” he said.

“I don’t want the veggies to miss out and know they would smash one.”

What’s the healthier, vegetarian version of the munchie box going to be named? 

“I’d call it something like the ‘Byres Road box’.” 

Of course, Chris, of course.