OH now, Mr Johnson, what treats await you.

I mean, we don't have any billionaire's castles in Glasgow for you to party the night away in but that might be all for the best, given how grim early morning flights are when one is feeling a bit worse for wear.

We've all been there.

No, while you may have had the night of your life at the invitation of Evgeny Lebedev, owner of the London Evening Standard and the Independent, in the Palazzo Terranova, it will be nothing compared to the good times we here at the Evening Times will show you, should you deign to come to Glasgow.

To start your trip, I'd be more than happy to host you at my home in Govanhill.

It might be a little bit smaller than you're used to but it's a great starting point for seeing how local grassroots groups are having to work to overcome the privations caused by your government's policies.


Nicola Sturgeon's call to Boris Johnson

What would we do without the third sector, eh?

What would we do without people willing to roll up their sleeves, give their time and work to make life better for those who need support.

I mean, you could argue that's the role of a politician but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Another great benefit to starting on the South Side is that Nicola Sturgeon's constituency office is right round the corner and she'll be handy for popping round to meet up with us and start the tour of Glasgow she's promised you.

I've just done my floors, though, so it'll be shoes off, thank you.

You managed to visit a nuclear facility and we’re all still here to tell the tale so I have hope you can behave yourself and not touch anything you're not supposed to.

From Govanhill it’s just a hop and a skip round to Cessnock where we could wait outside the Serco offices and see if we meet any asylum seekers on their way to collect electricity vouchers. You can chat to some of those having to walk for hours to pick up vouchers that will last them barely any time at all.

Right enough, many asylum seekers are too afraid to leave their homes in case the locks are changed while they're out, so we might struggle.

You know, we're the home of the Glasgow Girls. We don't take particularly kindly to people in need of help and support being maltreated.

Yet there's only so much we can do in the way of foodbanks, church and charity support.

Glasgow is in the grip of a housing crisis - we do not have rooms to spare. And so the planned Serco asylum seeker evictions will be devastating for everyone.

Glasgow City Council - and where are my manners, I should have introduced you already to council leader Susan Aitken, who will join us on our trip - is unable to rehome asylum seekers due to Westminster policy.


Evening Times calls on Boris Johnson to meet people of Glasgow

We already have increasing numbers of people sleeping on the streets and now Serco is threatening to make more people homeless... and our council cannot do anything about it or it will be breaking Home Office rules.

Similarly, we cannot open a safe consumption room because of Westminster restraints.

Scotland has the highest rate of drug deaths in Europe and Glasgow the highest rate of drug deaths in Scotland.

Last year we lost 280 people to the disease of drug addiction. From Cessnock why don't we head round to the Gorbals where service users at the Mungo Foundation can talk to you about just how vital it is we begin to treat addiction as a public health crisis.

Scotland did this with violent crime to great success. Now we have police forces and education experts coming from overseas - and from England - to see how we did it.

Why not let us lead the way in tackling addiction, Boris, if I may call you Boris?

This is an evidence based approach. If it helps hammer the point home, we could put some facts on the side of the 38 bus.

But listen, we don't want you to think it's all doom and gloom. You come to Glasgow and we'll make sure you get your tea.

One of Trussell Trust foodbanks would be happy to host you. They're run off their feet after the introduction of Universal Credit, which has crippled households and sent people into hardship.

But, as I said, thank God for the work of the third sector. They'll even make sure you have something tasty. Why don't you see if you can make a food parcel last you back to London? Our residents are having to make them last for days.

Listen, Glasgow is Scotland's largest city. While you're focusing on trying to drive Britain off a Brexit cliff at 100mph, we're still trying to get by from day to day.

Westminster policies are hindering, not helping, Glasgow's unique challenges.

Visit us, see for yourself. I was joking about the food parcel. We'll reward you with a Munchie Box. It's just the sort of pointless excess that will appeal to you.

But come and get it while it's hot. Our city's tolerance following your snub will only last so long.