LOCKDOWN, eh? Half of me has settled into this new way of life very easily.

Chilled out in the house, feet up, tapping away at my computer with a film on in the background like absolutely nothing has changed.

The other half of me is sitting in a corner freaking out and wondering how it’s come to this.

Every now and again I remember that phrases like self-isolation and social distancing have just appeared in our vocabularies out of absolutely nowhere. A truly wild time to be alive.

Me and my girlfriend are currently staying at her parent’s house for a few days. It’s been magic and has been made even better by the fact that my girlfriend’s maw has just welcomed a new puppy into the family.

Lockdown with not just my own dug, but now a brand-new one as well.

It’s absolutely class.

But when this new puppy arrived last week, I realised I had never actually encountered a puppy in real life. The only dugs I’ve had have been slightly older rescue dugs.

These kind of dugs arrive at your home and avoid you for a couple of days. Checking out their surroundings, deciding for themselves if they’ve made the right move. You get to know them slowly, building up trust and eventually become best mates.

It took maybe about six months for me and my dug, Timmy, to click. At the start, he avoided me and his constant barking made me avoid him. Eventually, he ground me down and we became pals.

But when a puppy arrives at a new home, it instantly goes wild. It can’t wait to meet everyone, it wants to climb on everything, chew whatever it can fit in its mouth, run about and just have a right good time. It’s been great fun.

Being left alone with a puppy is just as awkward as being left alone with someone else’s baby. I remember watching my wee cousins years ago and not knowing what to say. “Awrite,” I’d say to this month-old infant. “Wit ye uptae? How’ve ye been?”

I was playing with the new wee dug in the living room, a wee bit of tug of war and play fighting, and I looked over to see my dug standing in the doorway, a look on his face like he’d just suffered the greatest betrayal of his life. Like he’d just walked in on me signing a deal with someone to take him away to get put down.

He looked me up and down and then disappeared silently back up the stair. He desperately needs a haircut just now and he looks a bit unhinged because of it, like Willem Dafoe in The Lighthouse or Tom Hanks towards the end of Castaway, only adding to the melancholy aura surrounding him.

I had visions of him and this new dug becoming best pals in lockdown but sadly it’s not to be.

He doesn’t seem to hate her, it’s more like intense indifference. Avoiding eye contact with her, running away when she tries to sniff him, leaving the room when she enters. Laughing at them has been a nice distraction from simply sitting on my phone and watching the world implode.

I’ve been getting progressively more worried about what’s been happening in the world right now. I remember saying to my pal, about three weeks ago: “See in a month’s time, we’ll be sitting here going ‘Here, mind that coronavirus carry on?’” Now, three weeks later, we’re all in lockdown because of it.

The number one thing I’d recommend for you all to do for your own sanity is to try to limit your time scrolling through Facebook. People are sharing fake, made-up nonsense 24/7 just now and I think it’s making us all more anxious than we need to be.

It’s frying our brains.

One thing most of us do have now is time. It’s a strange and uncertain world we’re living in but we can make the most of it and eke out some kind of positives.

I’m sure there’s plenty of budding writers out there who see this as the perfect time to get that novel they’ve been thinking about writing for years started.

There’ll be loads of people with loads of different creative endeavours they’ve been meaning to try. Now’s the time to give them a go.

Don’t stress yourself out about it though. Just do what makes you happy at the minute, have a laugh and stay safe.

Don’t feel guilty about doing hee haw. We’ve got another three weeks of this at least and we can all get through it. I’ve finally kicked my addiction to the game Football Manager (just about) and my next project is to try to make these dugs become best pals.