WE’RE all learning to live differently. Adjusting behaviours is hard and following rules when just weeks ago there were none is difficult for everyone. But who is making your lockdown more difficult than it needs to be? From the jobsworths in the supermarkets to the exercise enthusiasts on the streets, here’s my list, in no particular order.

The Homeschool Enthusiasts

I LEFT the parenting WhatsApp group within days of the schools closing because I couldn’t give two hoots if Charlie potted his first petunia or if Ellie can now count to infinity backwards.

Thank goodness it’s now officially the holidays. Parents and guardians everywhere breathing a collective sigh of relief that they no longer need to worry about whether or not they are royally screwing up their child’s education with their attempt at creating some sort of school routine within the home; whilst also working and dealing with the shared trauma of a pandemic.

And I’m pretty sure it won’t just be the parents delighting in Easter’s arrival either – I don’t think schooling a class of

30 parents and guardians over an ill-designed app was covered in teacher training.

The Physical Jerks

TWO. METRES. DISTANCE. And that’s before we take into account the panting, the sweating and the spitting! I’m all for getting out and getting a bit of exercise but please do it considerately.

If we’re wearing masks simply for going to the shops then surely you should be wearing one whilst you run past me gasping and spraying your sweaty head germs everywhere?

I’d like to avoid further rules about when we’re allowed to take our exercise and you lot are making it more likely with every inconsiderate jog.

The Second-Home Brigade

GET back in your actual home and stop making non-essential journeys to places you think are prettier than where you really live.

Our rural spaces cannot cope with the extra demand and the hospitals within those communities do not need any more people asking for their care. Go home and stay home.


JUST stop. There is plenty for everyone if you don’t create demand and panic with your inexcusable hoarding.

Thanks to you all, large families and those buying for others have to go through exhaustive systems to get enough tinned tomatoes. Stop it.

The Literal Thinkers

THE people who take everything that has been put into place literally. And I don’t mean in relation to the government guidance, that should be taken literally.

I mean the systems and processes that have been put into place in shops and within organisations to help people adjust and to try to prevent people from negatively impacting others.

However, when The Literal Thinkers get involved, they

apply the guidance – by the letter – that was given for a particular situation to every situation

without a thought for the times that arise where it needs to be flexed, adjusted or reconsidered entirely.

Most worryingly they put processes and rules above people every time.

The Non-Stop Shoppers

THE shops have been shut and we’ve been told to stay at home unless for essential travel. Does your new handbag or hopeful summer wardrobe really constitute essential travel for someone else?

If you are not willing to risk

your life for that purchase, why are you asking the processor of said order and the delivery person to risk theirs? Pull on last year’s leisure wear and wait until this is all over.