A dog’s life
WE continue with our hair-raising tales of haircutting fails, hough on this occasion Ken McLean from Denny assures us the trims his wife has given him over the past few months have been excellent. The secret of her success? She cuts Ken’s hair with the same clippers used on the couple’s spaniels, Rosie and Riley.
“Before anyone gets too concerned about hygiene issues,” says Ken, “I can reassure folk that my wife gives the clippers a really good clean before using them on the dogs.”
Small change
ANOTHER Johnny Beattie story. The late, great comedian and his wife were part of a small group dining out in a busy restaurant in Glasgow’s West End, reader Janet Moffat tells us.
The kitchen was slow and apologies for the delay were made several times. Eventually the Beattie party’s food arrived. As the waiting staff stood with hot plates, Johnny and his wife were having a heated exchange.
“It is,” said one.
“It’s not,” said the other.
“I’m telling you, it is!”
Johnny then turned to the waitress and asked: “Are you the girl that took our order?” The girl replied: “Yes.” Johnny immediately responded: “My, hen, ye huvnae changed a bit.”
Fishy tale
“SOMEONE threw a giant bottle of Omega-3 pills at me,” complains reader Joe Hunter. Thankfully he’s now fully recovered. “I only suffered super fish oil injuries,” he explains.
Mystery girl
GLASGOW-based comedian and actress Rachel Jackson is in a romantic mood. Sort of. “I don’t want a boyfriend,” she says. “I just want someone I can regularly talk to about conspiracy theories without judgment.”
Hair raising predicament
THE biggest shock of the year is provided by Rod Stewart who has been spotted sans spikey hair. Reader Patrick Butler says this could prove detrimental for the economy.
“As if the financial situation wasn’t parlous enough,” sighs Patrick. “Now an entire industry will go bust because of the sartorial choice of an ageing rock star. Because prior to this week, Rod must have been purchasing at least ninety per cent of the hair gel on the market.”
Countrified bird
AFTER a public vote was held, three osprey chicks at Loch Arkaig Pine Forest have been named. But what about their mother? “Is she, by any chance, called the Grand Ole Osprey?” wonders Gilbert MacKay from Newton Mearns.
Gran gesture
YESTERDAY Ian Noble from Carstairs Village pointed out that ‘anagram’ isn’t an anagram of any single word. “Though it is an anagram of ‘am a gran’” he points out today.
Chilling thought
DAFT joke time. “What’s blue and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?” asks Winston Mortimer. “A fridge in a denim jacket.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here