HALLOWE’EN is almost upon us and I’m always amazed at the selection of outfits parents can buy because years back, we parents had to make outfits from scratch. Usually starting with a black bin bag or a box of some description.

Bobby’s dad made him into a wooden Oxo cube, but it was so heavy he couldn’t walk. Heather’s dad stuck cotton wool all over her with glue as a Dalmatian which she couldn’t back get it off. Vicki’s mum made her into a tube of Smarties. She fell over and couldn’t get back up, but that was the fun of it all, which reminded me of an evening years ago when….

“Hi Janice, I am having a Hallowe’en party at my house.” My friend Julie called.

“Great, we love dressing up,” I replied.

“Tell the guys the theme is cowboys and Indians.”

I informed the other three and added……..

“We better make a bit of effort with our costumes.”

I instructed my then husband Alan, my brother Jim, and my sister in-law Angela.

“It’s a cowboy and Indian themed party, and you know what Julie’s like when she throws a party!”

“True,” agreed Angela.

“Everyone will probably be hiring expensive costumes.”

So, for the next week, Angela and I were in constant touch discussing the progress of our outfits so that we looked the part.

Meeting at my house before the big night, we greeted Angela and Jim at the front door.

“How!” I raised my hand in fun and welcomed the pair who looked amazing.

Angela, like me, was dressed as a native American Indian.

We both wore a long black pigtailed wig, headbands with feathers sticking out, fringed tunics with beads and feathers sewn on, ankle boots with fringes, and beads of every colour around our neck and wrists.

We painted our faces with lipstick, and I had even made a papoose with a baby doll in it which was strapped to my back.

Jim was the town sheriff, complete with checked shirt, waistcoat, Stetson, a set of pistols and, of course a shiny sheriff’s badge.

Now Alan, being rather rotund had decided he would go as Hoss Cartwright from the TV show Bonanza.

We all agreed that we did indeed look the part and that no matter what costumes the other guests had hired, they wouldn’t be a patch on ours.

Finally, the pose of four was ready to hit the Ponderosa for a night of fun.

Now morphed into our characters, we got out of the taxi and Hoss Cartwright paid the driver who was somewhat bemused.

“Much obliged partner.” Hoss’s accent was hilarious.

Laughing and joking we rang the doorbell of Julie’s house and could hear music blaring and laughter from inside as she opened the door.

“Is this the Ponderosa?” Hoss Cartwright asked with a big grin.

We stood chuckling as the sheriff got his pistol out of its holster and pointed it at our host.

“Hands up ma’am.” And before Julie could say a word.

“We’ve picked up a couple of hungry injuns along the way.” He tilted his Stetson in our direction.

“So…… you city slickers better get us some beans.” Jim’s accent was more North Lanarkshire than North America but continued anyway……

“And some cold beers ma’am.”

Julie looked us up and down and then….

“Wow, you have gone to a lot of trouble,” she gushed.

“You look fantastic.”

“We sure have ma’am,” agreed Hoss as we followed our host inside to the kitchen for a drink.

It was only then, when we scanned the large room, we notice that we were the only four guests dressed up.

I turned to Angela.

“This doesn’t feel like we’re at the Ponderosa ranch in the Sierra Nevada, does it?”

“Nope it sure as hell doesn’t.” She was still in character despite our surroundings.

“Julie,” I turned to my pal.

“I thought you said it was a cowboys and Indians theme?”

“Yes, well it sort of is.”

“What do you mean sort of?” I asked as I could see guests pointing and laughing at my papoose.

“You told us it was a cowboys and Indians theme.” I gestured to the others in the pose who were now wishing they were elsewhere.

“Yes, well I’ve got a denim shirt on,” she explained.

And she had, along with designer cowboy boots, which were in fashion anyway, and a pair of jeans. But that was it.

Resigned to our fate for the night, the fab four, with much needed drink in hand mowsied on into the large lounge area where the rest of the so-called cowboys and Indians gathered.

Time after time I was fed up explaining.

“You see, we were told it was a cowboy and……”

This went on all night as guests made fun of our outfits until …..

“Angela, if one more person laughs at my papoose…..”

But Angela was now outside trying to make smoke signals with her Marlboro as the sheriff and Hoss bailed into a taxi.

“Adios Amigos.” Shouted the duo.

What a night!