THE other day I was feeling peckish and as I rummaged through my bare cupboards, I came across a lone tin of soup and immediately smiled.

Not because it was my favourite, in fact far from it, but every time I heard the words pea and ham, I remember the old advert for Knorr stock cubes.

“What do you think the wife’s cooking the night Hughie?” the pal asks as they drive to work.

“I don’t think, I know, it’s chicken soup because we had chicken yesterday.”

Hughie doesn’t know his wife uses stock cubes.

Next evening.

“This’ll be the chicken soup then?”

“No Hughie, this is pea and ham.” The wifie lies with a poker face.

Next day.

“How was your soup last night Hughie?” the pal asks.

“Delicious, and the remarkable thing was, it wasn’t chicken, it was pea and ham.”

“Pea and ham, from a chicken? 

“Now that’s clever.”

A few years later when I was working in a canteen alongside a young girl called Jill, a customer asked.

“What kind of soup do you have today?”

“Pea and Ham,” replied Jill.

The customer couldn’t help himself.

“Pea and ham, from a chicken?”

But before he could finish Jill had turned on her heels.

Oh, I’m not really sure,” she replied sincerely.

“I’ll go and ask.”  

And off Jill went to discover that pea and ham soup was in fact not made from chicken.

According to a study, some people have no common sense, however, they excel at different things, and I hope that’s true.

My friend Marion had problems with her car and despite the horrendous stormy weather, had no choice but to wait for a bus to work.

Standing in the lashing rain, the bus pulled over but as Marion went to step on the bus driver said.

“You can’t get on here as I need to do a loop around Carluke first.”  Before he went to close the door.

“I’ll get you on the way back.”

Marion now had rainwater dripping off her chin as she suggested.

“Why can’t I get on the bus and do the loop with you?”

“Em….”  apparently, the driver had never considered this option.

“I’ll even get back off and on again at this stop and pay the extra fare.”
Marion thought it made perfect sense to let passengers on the warm dry bus and go round in a circle rather that leaving them in the rain.

“I never thought of that,”  the driver eventually agreed. “That’s actually a good idea.” 

Dripping, Marion stepped on the bus and thought that surely it made common sense, but apparently not to everyone.

Marion’s bus tale reminded me of the day all my trains home from work were cancelled and I had to head for a bus.  

“Excuse me.”

I turned to an elderly gentleman in the queue.

“Do you know what time the buses to Baillieston are?”

“Oh, the timetable has changed hen,” he stated.

“I wouldn’t know as I never get the bus,” I explained.

“Aye, there used to be four buses an hour,” said the old timer.

“But now there’s only one every 15 minutes!”

An old friend of mine, Gail was preparing the children in her class for their first ever school photograph. It wasn’t an easy task keeping 20 children in line and pristine for their group picture but, finally the photographer was ready to begin.

Gail turned to the photographer and felt she should explain.

“There are 20 pupils in the class.” She sounded almost apologetic.

“It’s not a problem,” the photographer assured.

“It won’t take me very long.”

“Fine, but can you make sure you just take 15 pictures.”

“15 pictures?” The photographer was perplexed.

“Well, five of the parents have told me they won’t be buying the photograph, so I’ll only need 15.”

“Or,” laughed the photographer.

“I could just take one picture as I always do and print off 15 copies.”

Somehow Gail couldn’t get her head around this.

Having just watch the film Pete’s Dragon for the third time, Gemma turned to my daughter Jenna.

“It’s a shame there aren’t any dragons anymore.”

“Jenna, What do you mean, anymore?”

“Well, they died off with the dinosaurs, didn’t they?”

Likewise, after watching Aladdin.

“Imagine if we still had magic carpets.”

“Jenna, still Gemma?”

“There’s no such thing as a magic carpet.”

“I’m not daft Jenna,” Gemma stated.

“I know they only existed in the olden days.”

Remember Jill with the pea and ham soup? Well, a few years back we were making plans on how we were going to spend New Year, and as always, we couldn’t agree on whose house we were spending the Bells at when Jill piped up.

“So, what time are the Bells at this year?”

So, whether it’s pea and ham from a chicken, dragons or flying carpets, I’m sure we are all guilty of letting common sense fly out of the window, but hopefully we a re excelling in other ways!