WE'LL be through this pandemic, all fully vaccinated and as back to normal as it's possible to be before the penny will drop for some people that the nose goes in the mask.

Seriously. How long have we been wearing masks for?

How many demonstrations of suitable mask wearing to do we see around us as we go about our day to day business?

There was even a government guide to mask wearing.

And yet, no matter where you go, no matter what you do, some chump will have their mask over their mouth and their nose keeking over the top.

Does it not feel weird? Do people not understand why masks are worn in the first place?

Surely most adults realise that air comes in and goes out of both their nose and their mouth and, to stop the spread of aerosol droplets, you can't just cover one hole.

It makes me wonder about the state of their pants.

It's especially baffling when you see couples out and about and one is properly attired while the other is a nose peeper.

Does the semi-naked half of the duo not clock that their partner is wearing it better?

And why on earth isn't the correctly masked member of the pair pointing out to their companion that they look daft and are doing it wrong?

Perhaps it's because this delicate subject hasn't yet been covered in an etiquette guide.

Yesterday the Scottish Government published a light-hearted social-distancing etiquette guide which, thanks to probing by the Scottish Sun, we know cost the tax payer £4853.

Money well spent. Well, it is if it gives me a suitable, socially acceptable alternative to shouting "PUT YOUR SNOUT AWAY" at random strangers in shops.

Of course I wouldn't shout at random strangers in shops.

That would increase the likelihood of the spread of the virus. No, I just semaphore dramatically with my hands.

Throughout the pandemic response there have been times where we've been left to our devices to decide how best to proceed.

Christmas is a good example: legally, you can mix with two other households and travel across the UK freely but, morally, ask yourself if it's the sensible thing to do.

A sort of collective policing has sprung up. Again, as an example, when Level Four measures came in to place we were told that there wouldn't be police at the border but that, should large numbers of Glaswegians be caught living it up in Inverclyde then Inverclyde would be raised from Level Three to Four.

A sure fire way to ensure family members are encouraging family members to behave themselves.

Auntie Ina will not countenance missing out on her long awaited hairdo because the folk over the border literally can't contain themselves.

It's awkward though, when you think you're doing the right thing but others aren't.

Have you been in a shop queue when someone has stood right up behind you? I have, and it's weird.

I haven't hugged my mum since March but there's some random practically leaning on my back.

Masks - worn over the mouth AND nose people - make interactions a bit more awkward and stilted so it's not as easy to take a glance over your shoulder and ask someone to step back.

I've also been shouted at for being in the wrong place at the wrong time and it's really unpleasant so I'd hate to make someone else feel that way.

Apologies in advance because this advice will be of use to a limited audience but, not only have I not hugged my mum since March, I haven't had a haircut since then too.

Long hair is a marvellous defender of personal space.

One dramatic flick of the locks over a shoulder and they generally leap back like they're on fire.

The one and only time that wasn't effective I "accidentally" lamped the guy with my handbag.

It occurs to me the new etiquette guide has been written with me in mind.

Let's see what it says. Ah hah!

Scenario: “A stranger in the supermarket is way too close”.

Suggestion: Say “I’ll step back and give you some space – it’s tricky in busy spaces to keep two metres, isn’t it?”

Hmm, ok.

Use "subtle reminders", the guide says. I think a handbag to the stomach is more effective but probably doesn't fall under the popular social media commandment of #BeKind.

If someone is next to you on the train, offer to move seats "if that's easier for you". Passive aggression isn't usually included in correct etiquette but it's still a step up for me.

I can see why some might think this is the nanny state taking things too far but the government's right, these are awkaward times and it's probably better to be a bit pass agg than commit grievous bodily harm.

If only they'd released it sooner - in time for folk to get the mask thing right.