DEAR Janice, I fancy my mother-in-law like crazy. She is everything my wife is not – slim, attractive and very hot. My wife is a good mum and a great person in many ways, but since she had our second baby she has piled on the pounds and I just don’t find her attractive anymore. I am sure her mum fancies me too as she dresses sexily and flirts with me when my wife is not about. There is definitely a spark which I can’t ignore. Danny.

Dear Danny, I would like to say I’m excited for you but everything about this spells disaster for everyone concerned.

Are you seriously that bored and searching for excitement that you would consider having sex with your mother-in-law? At some point you must have fancied your wife enough to have sex with her, hence two children, so keep your pecker in your pants and make a conscious effort with the one person holding your family together.

Perhaps your wife is in a bit of a rut due to tending to two young children, lockdown and a husband who thinks he’s in Fifty Shades Of Grey. Give her some support and spend more time looking after your children so that your wife can look after herself physically and mentally.

As for her mum, well, sparks tend to be a fantasy bond, which is valued more than mundane routine, so it is almost inevitable that your spark will fizzle out in due course and the chemistry fade.

Your mother-in-law might be hot, but I’m guessing she can’t be far off her menopausal years which will, chances are, make her far “hotter” than you could ever imagine!

Dear Janice, since lockdown my husband and I agreed to let our son’s girlfriend move in with us. All is great until bedtime. We are both horrified as we can hear them having sex, and let’s just say she is certainly not the quiet, shy house guest we sit at the dining table with, but what can we say? Karen.

Dear Karen, on a positive note, at least she is keeping her expressions of pleasure to the bedroom and not the dining room table. Your cooking is obviously not hitting the spot.

Mention in passing that you can hear them chatting at night, and apologise if your husband’s snoring keeps her awake as the walls are paper thin. The penny will hopefully drop.

If not, one of you must have a word with your son. If all else fails and she can’t keep the noise down, then it might be time to ask her to move back out.

Dear Janice, my husband passed away a year ago and I have met a neighbour who I am really keen on. We get on great, have lots in common and both think we are at the stage of taking things further. The problem is one of my close friends has told me in no uncertain terms that she is disgusted with me as my husband is barely cold, and I should show more respect. I loved my husband very much, so how long is a reasonable time to mourn? I haven’t even approached my grown-up kids about this because of her reaction. June.

Dear June, I am sorry for your loss, but life literally does go on. My doctor once told me, “Janice, you mourn for a year and a day and get on with your life”. However, there are many different periods of mourning depending on religion, respect and the love and life you had for the deceased.

Explain to your friend that it’s because you had such a loving relationship with your husband that you are willing to enter another one. As for your grown-up kids, I’m sure they would much rather their mum had a happy future rather than living a lonely life with nothing but memories to keep her company. Is your friend’s marriage a happy one? Perhaps she is a little bit jealous of your new life. Just saying.

Dear Janice, I’ve got the most cracking burd ever. She is the kind of girl I could only dream of and I can’t believe my luck. All is great until she eats, and my God, she turns into the Tasmanian Devil. The noises she makes are so off-putting and I dread every time she heads to the kitchen. And don’t get me started on movie nights when the crisps and popcorn come out. An uncanny rage comes over me and my blood boils, so short of starving her, what can I do? Desperate.

Dear Desperate, sounds like you may suffer from a condition called misophonia, in which certain sounds result in extreme reactions of dislike and even hatred. Noisy eating being one of them.

I am ashamed to admit it, but I used to make my kids wait until their cornflakes were soggy before eating them. What a bad mother I was, but like you, my blood boiled at every crunch, crunch, crunch.

You could ask her friend to mention it (cowards’ way out), make even louder eating noises, eat separately, record her and play it back or play loud music, but firstly I would pick your moment and tell her how wonderful she is, and then use a little reverse psychology and say that it is completely your fault, but you have this neurological condition and could she please help you by eating as quietly possible. I wish you luck.