Dear Janice, to help substitute my income I have been doing online porn. I’ve made a lot of money and gotten used to the extra cash, so it’s a real problem for me to give it up. And, if I’m being honest, scanning items on a supermarket checkout is never going to give me the kind of lifestyle I am now used to.

Also, I am really good at it and enjoy what I do, so don’t really want to give it up. My worry is that I’m terrified my dad finds out. I would be mortified, and I think he would disown me. Trixie.

Dear Trixie, (I’m assuming that’s your porn name btw), it sounds like you have found a job that you enjoy and are carving out a comfortable lifestyle for yourself. However, this kind of occupation doesn’t come without its ups and downs.

OK, working on a supermarket checkout might not be as lucrative as your new profession, but it’s an honest hard-working job without the repercussions your new career could bring. You may one day decide your porn lifestyle is over, but will it ever be? Your ex-rated antics are now out there on the World Wide Web for all to see (including your future children), and this will always be part of your past.

As for your dad finding out, well that’s only likely if his friends or he himself has been viewing porn, in which case, I’m not sure he would be in a position to challenge your choices.

All things considered; enjoy what you do, but I fear the day may come when you wish you’d stuck to swiping items at a supermarket check-out.

Dear Janice, how can I get my husband to be more helpful around the house. We both work and it’s always me who does the Lion’s share of the shopping, cooking, and cleaning.

He used to help but now he does virtually nothing. We don’t have children yet and to be honest, I don’t think I could cope with kids on top of everything else, so if he mentions starting a family, I just fob him off. How can I get him to pull his weight so that I can get time to myself too and plan for our future? Katie.

Dear Katie, firstly, I wouldn’t even consider having kids until you have dealt with the big kid you’re living with.

However, if he was helping you before and has now stopped then you need to get to the bottom of his behaviour. I have concerns that his apparent new found laziness is not the core of your issues, and there is other stuff going on.

Generally, issues like this are more about how a man is connected to his wife, so ask him what’s really going on. Is there friction between you in general? What problem are you avoiding so that you can focus on this ‘safe’ problem? There usually is other bigger stuff going on and I don’t think it’s as simple as not wanting to do his share.

He may be overwhelmed with situations you are unaware of, so speak to him. Show him how you cope in your day and explain that you are now overwhelmed and can’t think of starting a family as things are. If nothing changes then I would seek Marriage Counselling http://www.relationships-scotland.org.uk Third party involvement can often be the intervention that is needed to bring to the forefront issues you are both avoiding. Good luck.

Dear Janice, how do you deal with a man who is frequently feeling down.

He is constantly whining and has a permanently negative attitude.

He has always been a glass-half-empty kind of guy, but now his behaviour is really starting to wear me down. I feel the burden of constantly trying to lift him up, but who’s there to lift me up? Any suggestions would be welcome. Rosemary.

Dear Rosemary, I am assuming your first port of call has been to his GP to try and rule out depression, which is a waring illness for all those concerned and not to be taken lightly.

People like your partner can be some of the most powerful people because all they have to do is sit there whilst others around them try and motivate them. It’s not that they want to be in that frame of mind, it’s sometime that they are exhausted and don’t feel any motivation.

When someone is whiney and negative there is often an audience. If he has an audience, it can feel a little cathartic. But, let’s face it, that’s not helping you any.

Constantly listening to someone like this can be a real drain, so next time he starts on one of his negative rants say. “Sorry but this just wears me out, I’ll be in the other room as I’m done listening.”

To love and care for him is not to indulge him if he is taking no action to help himself.

What’s he doing to improve his life?

Hopefully, you have good friends who can listen to you for a change, but even they will have a limit on how long they want to listen to the same old demoralising scenario. Perhaps it’s time to let go and find a more positive partner.