Dear Janice, my wife passed away just over two years ago at the age of 50.  She was kind, caring, funny, and my soulmate, and is still in my thoughts every waking minute.

Against my friends advice, months back I began visiting a fortune teller/psychic.  Each visit has given me great comfort because she tells me things about my wife only I could know, so I do believe the messages are from her.  I also text the psychic in between visits.

I admitted to my daughter I was doing this as I thought it would make her feel better too, but she strongly disagreed with the whole thing and said I was refusing to accept her mum has gone. 

Unfortunately, it has reached the point that I now lie about my visits, and as much as I really do hate lying to my daughter, I can’t see that I am causing anyone any harm, and if it is giving me comfort, why should I stop?  James.

Dear James, your daughter is right to be concerned.  It is time to mourn your wife, not try to keep her ‘alive’ with these psychic visits and text messages.

I totally understand that you are comforted by these messages, but at the end of day, this ritual is not allowing you to let her go.

Harsh and cruel as it sounds James, your lovely wife has gone forever and no amount of communication from the grave can make her be with you again.

Like your daughter, I would urge you to stop, because the sooner you do, the sooner reality will kick in and only then can you begin to rebuild your life.

Of course you will never forget your beloved wife, but she has gone, so let her rest in peace.

For your daughter’s sake, you need to mourn your wife respectfully and show her that you are slowly starting to deal with your loss, just like she is doing.

If you feel overwhelmed and life is getting too much for you, a bereavement counsellor can help with your painful emotions and support you as you adapt to life without your wife. 

I wish you all the best.

READ MORE: Dear Janice: Am I obligated to help out with my son's mortgage?

Dear Janice, my young kids are so excited for Christmas, and have a list as long as your arm for Santa, but I can’t afford a lot of presents this year.

On top of that the Elf on the Shelf thing is an extra burden, and now other mums are talking about a Christmas Eve gift for their kids too.

I feel like crying and it’s not even December!

I am considering taking out a bank loan, but with my credit history I don’t even know if I would get one. 

I wish it was January and Christmas was over, but how can I neglect my kids at this special time?   Stacey.

Dear Stacey, your kids will not be neglected if they don’t receive every gift on their Santa list. Most kids ask for endless gifts, but come Christmas they’ve forgotten half the things they asked for!

Search on Gumtree and eBay for second hand toys. Some are as good as new and if removed from the packaging, your kids will be none the wiser. 

Remember, it’s all about fun, and young children don’t need a lot to be happy. 

Do you have stuff you can sell? Can you buy sale items? Cut out giving and receiving unwanted presents too.

Forget the Elf on the Shelf and Christmas Eve stuff and focus on the one day that will matter to everyone.

Trust me, the stress of paying off a loan you can’t afford will far outweigh the guilt of a few missing Christmas pressies.

Difficult as it may be, try and set up a Christmas savings account for next year which would allow you to enjoy a happy family time instead of wishing it away.

Dear Janice, I’m a single guy in my mid-thirties and haven’t had sex for a year now and I feel like life is passing me by.  It’s all I seem to hear on TV, radio, social media, and it feels as though everyone apart from me is enjoying sex!

Even ugly looking guys seem to have a girlfriend, so what am I doing wrong?  JD.

Dear JD, life isn’t passing you by, just your sex life. For now anyway. And….. you have been in lockdown!

It might surprise you to know that people in relationships can go for long periods of time without bonking like rampant rabbits every night, so put the green eyed monster back in its cage until you are ready to place yourself on a realistic relationship level.

A female in your shoes would be deemed ‘needy’, so shift your focus on to something more constructive and move away from the feeling of missing out, because once you focus on the lack of something, sure as hell, that’s what you’ll get.

For the record, and you are perhaps proof, looks are not a guaranteed passage to having sex.

Personality, confidence and contentment are more magnetic to a potential partner.

Keep in mind James, most females are pretty good at spotting a sexual predator, so change your focus and the likelihood is you’ll change your outcome.

Got a question for our agony aunt? Email