Festive TV to get through awkward family moments

With that, the title of ‘Greatest Ever Christmas Special’ was secured.

BBC

18 years on, rewatching The Office’s final two episodes remains as vital a festive tradition as exchanging presents or receiving passive-aggressive ‘Oh, it’s still not ready? No, no problem! Good thing I grabbed a bite before I left the house!’ digs.

After two seasons that scaled heights British comedy hasn’t reached since, creators Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant satisfied viewers with cathartic moments for their characters that felt realistic and justified.

BBC

Circumstances dictate that a large question mark hangs over this year’s festivities, but if you’re in the company of family on December 25th there’s a fair chance you’ll be participating in such Yuletide traditions as the biting of the tongue, the holding of the breath and the snide posting on Facebook about an unnamed person at the table with your privacy settings amended so they can’t read it.

The sense of achievement at having made it through to post-dinner telly is akin to Apollo 11 touching down on the moon after a decade-long space race, except you’ve probably had to contend with a more hostile atmosphere.

By the time you’re flopping out in front of the TV surrounded by your racist uncle, anti-vaxx auntie and other racist uncle, you’re badly in need of some escapism. 

The Office is particularly appropriate Christmas fare, in that you spend the whole time cringing then have a happy cry at the end, but the combined running time of those two specials is just 96 minutes. 

That means there are still several hours in which you run the risk of having to placate your uncles by reeling off such lines as ‘Right, yeah, Clarkson running a farm. Sounds interesting’ and ‘Right, yeah, didn’t realise it was Paddy McGuinness presenting it these days’. 

In order to help you avoid falling into these conversational traps, I’ve picked out five other classic Christmas specials.

FOR WHEN YOU CAN’T LISTEN TO ANOTHER STORY ABOUT HOW THEY USED TO TAKE THE BINS OUT ON A MONDAY BUT NOW THEY DO IT ON TUESDAYS OR COME TO THINK OF IT MAYBE THAT MONDAY WAS A BANK HOLIDAY ACTUALLY

Black Mirror, ‘White Christmas’ (2014)

In the festive edition of Charlie Brooker’s sci-fi series, Jon ‘Don Draper’ Hamm and Rafe Spall are stuck in a cabin together as the snow falls outside. The paths that led them there are initially unclear and both are potentially unreliable narrators, but we do know that Hamm has been blocked by his wife. 

Not ‘Twitter blocked’. In this world, you can ‘block’ someone in real life, turning them into a muffled silhouette and leaving them unable to communicate with you until you unblock them. This may seem especially appealing when dealing with once-a-year relatives. 

MOST RELEVANT QUOTE: “I don’t want to be in here”.

FOR WHEN YOU NEED REASSURED THAT NO, IT’S NOT JUST YOUR FAMILY

Peep Show, ‘Seasonal Beatings’ (2010)

Mark’s hosting Christmas, but his mum’s being flirted with by Super Hans, his dad is transmitting negative vibes and his sister is feeling up his flatmate under the table. 

Sympathy for Mark is unwarranted, however, as he berates his flatmate over a turkey misunderstanding, gifts his girlfriend kitchen tongs and fails to defend her honour in front of his misogynistic dad.

Sexist parent, passive-aggression, underwhelming presents, unravelling relationships and ham in a paper shredder. All the boxes ticked. 

MOST RELEVANT QUOTE: “Merry migraine and a happy new stomach ulcer”.

FOR WHEN SCORES ARE ABOUT TO BE SETTLED

Father Ted, ‘A Christmassy Ted’ (1996)

For a Christmas special, there’s not actually much Christmas in this one. Unless your Christmas shopping has ever led to you getting lost in a lingerie section. 

It does, however, possess a scene in which Ted spends hours bitterly reeling off the names and supposed wrongdoings of every person who has ever caused him any inconvenience whatsoever. Like elderly relatives across the country do every year.

And, most importantly, it features a line that explains perfectly why every December you schlep all those bags around town in the rain and put up with the awkward politics chat. 

MOST RELEVANT QUOTE: “Maybe I LIKE the misery”.

FOR WHEN YOU’VE JUST HAD THE ARGUMENT THAT’S BEEN BREWING ALL DAY ABOUT NOTHING AND EVERYTHING SIMULTANEOUSLY, AND NOW YOU NEED TO REMEMBER WHY THESE PEOPLE ARE IMPORTANT TO YOU

The Royle Family, ‘Christmas With The Royle Family’ (1999)

After Denise’s waters break on Christmas Day, Jim comforts her in the bathroom and assures his daughter that she’ll be a great mum. 

This is possibly the sweetest scene that has ever been filmed, so don’t pretend you’re not crying. You’re impressing no-one.

And if a show about people watching TV isn’t for you, you can always switch over to Gogglebox on Channel 4.

MOST RELEVANT QUOTE: “This is the one day of the year we all get together to watch the bloody television, and look at the shite they put on”.

FOR WHEN YOUR UNCLE SAYS ‘WHAT’S THIS NONSENSE? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES?’

Only Fools And Horses.