Dear Janice, I encouraged my partner to have a threesome with one of her friends and now they are spending a lot of time together and I feel left out.

Her friend is at our flat more than ever, especially when I’m not there.

My partner says there is nothing going on that I don’t know about, but I don’t believe her.

I had the idea of recording them when I’m out to see if anything is happening behind my back as this would clarify things one way or another, but I’m scared she would find out.

PT.

Dear PT, fantasies are best left as fantasies unless it is with someone you don’t emotionally care for, in which case you can easily walk away with nothing but your X-rated memories.

But you encouraged your partner to sample the forbidden fruit and it seems like she’s taken to it like a baby to the bottle!

As for recording them, this is wrong on so many levels, not only are you breaking their trust, but it is creepy and underhand.

Next time they are together in your home, ask them outright where you stand. You may get an answer you don’t want, but at least it will save on the amateur detective work and you’ll know if it’s time to bid them farewell.

I have to say though, you brought this whole mess upon yourself.

 

Dear Janice, after 10 years my husband said our marriage was over.

He was adamant he didn’t have anyone else, although I heard differently.

I was shattered, but with the support of family and friends I am finally coping and getting on with my life.

We have a young daughter and both her and I still live in the family home as it was agreed this would be less disruptive for her.

Ten months later, on a rare night out I met a lovely guy. We have been on a couple of dates, text and call each other constantly, and at this stage it looks like a promising relationship.

However, my husband found out and went ballistic. He said I had no right going out with other people and that technically we are still married!

He reminded me that our daughter comes first, and that no way will any guy set foot in “our” house.

I don’t want to give up on this new relationship as it’s the first time I have smiled in a very long time.

What do you suggest I do?

Lyndsay.

Dear Lyndsay, unfortunately, some people want their cake and eat it and your husband is one of them.

He doesn’t want you, but he sure as hell doesn’t want anyone else to have you either. You see, you are his safety net in case his new life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. He needs you to stay in the side lines ... just in case.

You have been incredibly strong so far, so please don’t let his threats cause you to end this new relationship because he will only do the same with the next one and the one after that.

In some ways your life is in limbo because you are still living in the marital home. And because of this, your husband believes it gives him control over you. Trust me, he will have it if you let him.

You need to take the next step Lyndsay, and if you can’t buy your husband out of the property then sell up and move on. Only then will you have security and freedom to take your life forward the way YOU want it to.

I imagine conversations with your husband will be fraught, so include a mutual third party and agree the best way forward for all three of you. I hope it works out.

 

Dear Janice, my girlfriend falls out with me for the slightest thing.

This is not just my opinion as my friend witnessed a few of our fallouts and agrees it’s ridiculous.

Falling out is one thing, but she goes for days on end not speaking, or giving me surly one-word answers.

I end up apologising even when I know it’s not my fault so that we don’t have these long periods of frosty silence as we live together.

I’ve tried speaking to her about it, but she says if I didn’t wind her up, she wouldn’t behave that way. How can I sort this?

Joe.

Dear Joe, it is perfectly normal and healthy to have disagreements and arguments with your other half as this makes each person aware of the other’s limits and expectations.

However, silence for long periods of time is a form of manipulation and control.

Next time, unless you are in the wrong, do not apologise, and when she gives you the silent treatment, leave the situation and spend time on your own. Read a book, go for a walk or call a friend. I know this will be difficult for days on end but what’s the alternative?

Eventually she will get the message that you are not accepting her controlling behaviour.

But if she doesn’t snap out of her moods and long silences, then you need to ask yourself if this is the life you want, because a life of silence and suppression is no life at all.