Dear Janice, I saw your page online and thought you might be able to help me with the problems I am having with my mum.

I am 17 years old and for the last year or so, all we seem to do is argue.

We argue over trivial stuff, and she blows up over the simplest of things. She blames me and says I must love arguing because I go looking for arguments, but I really don’t. I just want us to be friends.

She seems to get on OK with my older brother and casts it up that she never had “this bother” with him. But we are completely different characters.

My dad says she is going through menopause and that I must be patient with her.

I don’t know what to do as I love my mum and just want us to be happy like other mothers and daughters.

Jess.

 

Dear Jess, there’s a lot going on here. You’re still learning how to handle relationships, and your mum’s life is changing too.

Her personality, identity, and physical body is changing, which is bound to have an impact on those around her. And you’re in the firing line.

Read up on menopause and its symptoms to help you better understand what she might be going through and the reasons she isn’t able to handle situations.

Perhaps she didn’t have “bother” with your brother because she wasn’t menopausal and could cope better. Talk to her. Empathise and ask her how she is feeling. If things start to flare up, politely walk away from the situation until it simmers down again.

This turbulent time will pass, and happy mum and daughter times will return. Trust me.

 

Dear Janice, I am single and in my late 50s. I have been on many dates over the last six months, but every single one has been a complete letdown.

I keep myself slim and fit, but some of the guys my age turn up with beer bellies, unkempt hair, clothes that are past their sell-by date, and I am immediately put off. I don’t want to sound as though I am looking down on anyone, because I’m not, I just want someone who looks after themselves as I do and who I actually find attractive.

Which is why I am considering accepting an offer of a date with a young guy at my gym.

He is fit and gorgeous, although probably about 12-15 years younger than me.

I worry what people will think when they see us together, and if the date doesn’t work out it will be embarrassing bumping into him at the gym. Perhaps I should just keep it to flirting and chatting.

What do you think?

Sophie.

 

Dear Sophie, I think you have already binned this young hot guy before the first Pinot Grigio has been poured!

You find this guy handsome and fit, and obviously, he is attracted to you too. Of course, there are lots of “what ifs” but there always will be in any relationship, regardless of age.

There are only two people in this relationship whose opinions and feelings matter. So, what if you get the odd stare from someone? 

Seriously, what harm can a drink do? If you are both free, then I can’t see what you have to lose. And let’s not get ahead of yourself, it is only a drink. You may well have a great time, but agree the age difference is an issue. Then, you say thank you and move on.

By the sounds of it, you have gotten out of worse situations with guys your own age so this shouldn’t be a problem.

As for embarrassing encounters in the gym afterwards, well, that’s speculation and I’m sure you are mature enough to smile and laugh it off. 

Life is for living and not letting chances pass you by because of what ifs and maybes. Go for it.

 

Dear Janice, I have been seeing a cool guy for six weeks now and all is going really well.

So much so that he has suggested we go on holiday together soon. I’m dying to spend more time with him and really get to know him better, but the thing is, he doesn’t know I am bisexual.

My friend said I should tell him before he finds out from anyone else, but I don’t want to say anything that could change how he sees me or upset our relationship in any way.

Should I tell him, or keep quiet about it?

Cheryl.


Dear Cheryl, I believe that by telling him you are bisexual is implying that you are still open to other relationships. If you are, then fair enough, tell all.

If you are not, at this stage I would concentrate solely on your relationship with your new man and focus on him and getting closer on your first holiday.

At some point when the time feels right, tell him that you are bisexual, but now as you are in a committed relationship with him, you are obviously not looking elsewhere for a partner... male or female.

He might take a bit of convincing, but only time will help with that one. Good luck.