Dear Janice, my boyfriend and I had a disagreement and we split up for three weeks because neither of us would stubbornly give in and break the ice.

Four months later he confessed that during our “break” he got someone pregnant.

He said it was a one-night stand and that it’s me he loves, but I can’t get my head around any of it and don’t know if I should end our relationship or accept this has happened and move on.

I do love him.


Dear Amy, accept what? He now has emotional and financial ties elsewhere for at least the next 18 years.

Yes, he could have had a child when you met him but at that point, you would have had a choice on what you were committing to.

You split up after a disagreement and because you stood your ground, he took the chance to have unprotected sex with someone else. During this period, was he hopeful you would get back together? What happens the next time you fall out?

I would consider very carefully if this is how you see your life moving forward because the dynamics of your relationship have changed big-time.

They say that love conquers all, but sometimes the effort required to conquer all far exceeds the pleasures of love. I hope it works out for you. 


Dear Janice, my six-year-old last saw his dad when he was two.

My ex’s lifestyle and behaviour was so reckless, that despite having agreed access, he failed to show up on numerous occasions and so I decided it was best to bring up our son on my own. Recently I’ve heard he has gotten his act together and is living with someone and they have a child together, so I reached out to him to see if we could meet up to discuss the possibility of him spending time with our son.

I thought he would jump at the chance, but I couldn’t believe it when he messaged and said it was best to leave things as they are. I am gutted for my son as he has no dad in his life, and I am finding it a struggle bringing him up on my own.

What should I do?


Dear Stacey, I reckon there are two parts to your problem.

Firstly, you are angry and hurt that your ex could dismiss his son so flippantly, and secondly, you are not coping very well on your own as a single parent.

It is hurtful when someone moves on and seemingly eliminates all trace of the past (you and your son), but if your ex doesn’t want to see his child there is nothing you can do about it. Trust me, it would be cruel for your son if his dad dipped in and out of his life again. Stability is much more important than half-hearted fleeting visits.

I’m sure your son has an uncle, grandpa or male family friends who are more reliable and can be a father figure to him.

As for you, forget about your ex and concentrate on getting the support you need from friends and family. Look into after school care, invite his friends to stay over and let him stay over with other mums, that way you’ll get a much-needed break. It may not seem like it now Stacey, but you will reap the rewards of being there for your boy, and if he wishes to seek out his father in later years, that will be his choice.


Dear Janice, almost every day I worry about dying.

I am 42 and in good health so don’t know why I have these dark thoughts.
Whenever I get the slightest ache or pain, I am right online checking it out which often just makes me feel worse.

My husband says I am paranoid, and I need to sort myself out, but I don’t know how.

How do I stop feeling this way?


Dear Julie, I’m so glad your husband is not my GP, because if sorting yourself out was that simple, none of us would have any problems! He doesn’t understand your fears, therefore has little compassion.

Thanatophobia, also known as death anxiety, is a fear of one’s own death (and sometimes others) and can lead to symptoms of anxiety, dread and stress. If not addressed it can worsen and cause panic attacks, and many other conditions. 

Checking every symptom online usually just exacerbates your fears, so leave it to the professionals.

Worrying about your future is normal but when the worry turns to panic you need to seek help.

If your GP agrees that this is your condition, ask to be referred to a mental health nurse or help group to chat over your concerns.

Talking to professionals can help you learn how to change you way of thinking. 

Meditation, breathing techniques and yoga classes can greatly reduce anxiety too. You can practice these classes online, but nowadays there are a huge variety of classes you can attend which I think is often more beneficial as you have an instructor to guide you and answer any questions as you go along. You also get to meet up with like-minded people which lets you see that you’re not alone with these issues.