Dear Janice,

I’ve been on numerous Tinder dates but the last one was special.

We connected instantly, and we were definitely attracted to each other, so naturally I was on a high.

Despite this, I soon realised that he has barely worked a full month in his life.

He had a long list of reasons and excuses why he was unable to keep each job, and none of them was his fault.

We went on a second date and apart from the work situation, I really did like him, but I can only imagine my parents’ reaction when they suss out his background.

They are helping me massively through Uni, and after years of study, I hope to qualify and start my career.

I am confused because I really like him, but can’t help wondering if he is the right one for me.

Should I call it quits, or give him another chance?


Dear KM,

Can you foresee a future where you work your ass off and your other half lounges about making no headway in life?

Would he be capable of providing for a family, or be content relying on your income?  These are a few of the many questions you need to ask yourself.

But before you write this potential partner off, give him the benefit of doubt. Perhaps life has dealt him some very unlucky cards, and at this stage of your relationship, it’s still a bit of a guessing game.

Meet up, but delve a little deeper and get to know this guy.  What are his work aspirations? Does he want to travel? How does he see his future panning out? This is not being intrusive, it’s discovering who you may end up sharing your life with.

It might seem a bit heavy after a few dates, but the reality is, there is no point in getting emotionally close to a partner who is on a completely different track. 

They say opposites attract, and to an extent they do, but when your hand is constantly in your pocket, and he is constantly reaching for a hand-out, your attraction will melt quicker than a climate change iceberg!

So do some digging, fast.


Dear Janice,

My partner is constantly suggesting I cut off my long dark hair.  He says I would suit it cropped as I have such a pretty face. He even offered to pay for it, which is unusual.

Contrary to what he thinks I would suit, most people comment on how lovely my hair is, and I have always loved having long hair.

He says re-styling it is no big deal and if I didn’t like it, it would soon grow back.

Apparently, it was one of the many things that initially attracted him to me, so why the change?

Should I give in and go for the chop?


Dear Michelle,

There is only one thing I would chop, and that’s your so-called partner!

This screams jealousy and insecurity.  He might as well ask you to put a bag over your head.

Do not change your appearance in any shape or form unless you want to, not because he or anyone else suggests it.

Sure, it’s good to take on board others’ opinions, but when it is for their good and not yours, think twice.

Let’s say you get the chop and you hate it. On average, a person’s hair takes one year to grow six inches, by then I would expect the penny might have dropped that this could be just the beginning of coercive behaviour.

Keep your long locks, in fact, I would go all the way and grow it like Rapunzel!


Dear Janice,

Our friend is wearing us down with her constant updates of doom and gloom. She constantly scours the internet and when we meet up each week, she rants on and on about the state of the world.

Yes, we do know there is a war in Ukraine. Yes, we know how many people are homeless, and how thousands are turning to food banks etc, but she still goes on and on.

We get together for a light-hearted chat and to forget the stresses of life, but then she starts and the mood changes and we just want to go home.

She is a good friend so we can’t exclude her, so how do we say enough is enough?


Dear Julie,

Quite simply. When she starts say, ‘hey, XXXXX, enough is enough. With respect, we come here to have fun and not to listen to your depressing weekly news bulleting.’ This may be enough for her to realise her gloomy insights are unwelcome.

That said, your friend may have trouble coping with the world’s conflicts, and feels the need to make you aware of what’s going on in the world because she is scared and anxious.

Negative news can lead to heightened anxiety, mood swings, and even PTSD, and she may have no coping mechanisms in place to deal with constant sad and depressing news.

So, try to get to the root of what is really troubling her, and do your best to encourage her to stay away from all sources of news for a period of time. Explain that even if she switched off from news updates for a while, the world will still revolve. I hope it works out.