Dear Janice,

My lover has ended our relationship but still wants us to remain friends.

I am devastated as I thought after four happy years, we had a future together.

He says he loves me, but as a friend only and that he knows deep down I am not the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

I was crushed when he told me this, and still find it difficult to process, but I am really confused because we really do get on so well.

My friends advised me to cut all ties with him, but I would find that impossible.

Perhaps I should pull back and when he has some time on his own, he will realise he misses me and want me back.

I just can’t envisage my life without him.

What should I do?


Dear Louise,

When someone tells you something, hurtful as it may be, you really need to listen.

Deciphering his words to mean something that’s not there is unfair on both of you.

I know ‘we hear what we want to hear’ but doing this will only drag out the inevitably sad ending to this romantic relationship.

There is no ambiguity in what he is telling you about how he feels.  He has been honest and up front, and trust me, that doesn’t always happen.

He may want to remain friends with you out of guilt, or perhaps his feelings towards you are that of an acquaintance and no more, therefore he is quite happy to keep you as a friend.

Either way, you need to close this door.

If you don’t, and try to become a friend, how will you feel when he finds another lover and you’re still on the scene? The likelihood is it is only a matter of time until this happens.

Safeguard your heart and your head by setting yourself free. Cut all ties with your ex because unrequited love makes it impossibly cruel to shift status from lover to friend.

I don’t imagine for a second it will be easy to simply move on, but the reality is, you don’t really have a choice.

Lean on your friends for support and one-day someone who can reciprocate your love will make you smile again.

Dear Janice,

I am in quite a few social groups which means I meet up with all sorts of people, including men. But even though he has never actually met any of them, my partner is constantly jealous of my time with them.

He continually makes snidey remarks, and whereas I used to laugh it off, he is really pi**ing me off now.

I would never cheat on him and constantly reassure him, so why does he feel so threatened every time I tell him what I’m doing?

I dread him asking what I’m up to because I know it’ll set him off in another mood, so what can I do to make him realise this jealousy is all in his head?


Dear Jill,

There are three outcomes to this saga.  You bin him for his constant insecurities. You drop out of every social group or, you find a way to include him in your activities and show him that your friends are just that. Friends.

He no doubt hears the chit-chat regards your activities, and it must sound like you’re having fun with these people, therefore, he naturally feels out of the loop. I dare say you have asked him to join you? (I hope so).

And yes, he is going to feel a certain jealousy towards the relationship you have with your male friends.

Relationship? Yep, because whatever you want to call it, you are in a relationship with everyone and anyone you see regularly. It may be friendship, companionship, comradery, whatever you want to call it, but it still connects you to others.

Meanwhile, he is on the peripheral looking in.

Invite some of them to yours for drinks and let him suss out the situation for himself when you’re all together. 

Perhaps then he will feel more at ease. And you never know, he may even want to join you and your friends on your next outing.

Dear Janice,

My alcoholic sister keeps talking about suicide.  She calls me when she is really drunk and threatens that she is going to take her life.  I naturally run to her aid each time and sit with her till I know she is OK.

This has gone on for over a year now and I am worn out by the whole situation.  My husband is very understanding but says there comes a point when I should walk away.

But how can I?

What if the worst happened and it was my fault?


Dear MMcD,

Regardless of how this situation develops, it will never be your fault because alcoholics, despite family support and encouragement, will continue to live their lives the way do because they are addicts.

Her drinking will affect your life too because it’s easy to lose yourself in her needs, and perhaps your husband is feeling as though he is left on the sidelines.

However, I agree that you can’t abandon your sister at this very challenging time in her life.

Recognise that she needs to seek professional help. Contact and

I hope she turns a corner.