Dear Janice, My boyfriend finally admitted he is still in love with his ex.

They split a year ago and I met him six months later, and I am always there for him when he needs a shoulder to cry on.

Now he says he doesn’t want to have sex with me anymore because he always thinks of her.

What can I do to make him want me and not her?


Dear JF,

I can’t work out if he is a good guy for being so open and honest, or a nutter who likes to see you squirm.

Either way, there is no hope of a future with him.

He is very clearly spelling out to you that you are not the woman he is in love with.

Regardless of whether he gets back with his ex, or if that ship has sailed, you are still never going to be his number one.

We prop up our partners at low points in their lives because that’s what loving partners do, but why should you prop up a man who gives you nothing in return? Move on.

Dear Janice, I am head over heels in love with a girl I work with.

We both have day jobs but work together in a bar some evenings.

It’s lively, fun, and we have such a laugh working together.

I’ve hinted about going places out with work, but she always brushed my offer off with excuses like she doesn’t have time, or is doing stuff with her mates, or some other reason.

I know she likes me because of the fun we have together, and I was frustrated as to why she wouldn’t go out with me, so I plucked up the courage and asked her outright to go for dinner.

I have to say, it was the loveliest knock-back I have ever received. She was kind, caring and explained that she was not ready for another relationship and the answer was no.

Do you think I should leave it a few weeks and ask her again?


Dear David, No. Absolutely not.

I am sorry to break this to you, but this lovely work friend just isn’t interested in you romantically.

I am sure you both get on brilliantly working together, but that does not mean she is attracted to you or wants to be in a relationship with you.

Be honest. If the shoe was on the other foot and someone you weren’t attracted to asked you out, would you go? Not a chance. However, regardless of your commitments, if you were attracted to her, you would make it happen.

This workmate is merely trying to let you down gently, not just because she is kind and caring, but because she has to work with you and wants to avoid any awkwardness.

Enjoy working with this lovely lass and shift your romantic focus to someone who can reciprocate your attraction.