Dear Janice, our son is 28 years old and is making no moves to leave home.

If we mention it, he says he is happy where he is and that we should be grateful he is still there.

His financial contribution is minimal, despite eating us out of house and home.

Also, it would be wonderful to have the house to ourselves instead of constantly asking him to turn his music down, clean his room, do his own laundry etc.

Any ideas how we get him to move on? Lorna.

Dear Lorna, firstly, stop running after your baby grown-up.

No more laundry, shopping or tidying up after him.

Up his contribution considerably and insist he buys his own food and make a list of jobs to do around the house and garden.

As a family, discuss his options going forward.

Where could he afford to live? Does he have friends he could share with?

What’s his long-term plan? Because if there is no plan, he will still be there in 10 years’ time.

Lorna, good parenting is doing your utmost to instil emotional, financial and social skills in your offspring which will enable them to take on the many tough challenges the outside world will bring.

He needs to live dependently, and you should both be enjoying every minute of your remaining years, so start planning now.

Dear Janice, my husband constantly threatens to leave me.

We have been married for eight years and there is no sign of him letting up.

The minute we have a disagreement, he yells “I’m out of here”.

He never actually goes anywhere, but it upsets me all the same.

He supports me financially and says that being dependant on him keeps me in line.

I naively thought as time passed, he would realise just how much he means to me, and his behaviour would change, but it hasn’t.

How can I get him to stop lashing out with these hurtful threats? JK.

Dear JK, I’m not sure what “keeping you in line” refers to, but it’s a controlling and coercive statement to make on any account.

His behaviour will not change until you take control of the situation.

Next time he yells “I’m out of here”, agree that enough is enough, and that perhaps it is best that he does leave.

I doubt he will go anywhere (except to storm off in a strop), but afterwards, make it clear that before he opens his big mouth again, he either leaves, as threatened, or shuts up.

Looking at the bigger picture of your life, you need to consider your financial situation and your dependence on your husband.

You have rights as his wife to joint assets and money, but perhaps having a job of your own will boost the confidence you lack and ensure you feel less reliant on him.

Be honest with your feelings of self-worth and you will find the answers you are truly searching for.

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