Dear Janice,

I am losing sleep over Christmas, because my three young kids are spoilt rotten.

Since their mum and I split up, we buy them separate gifts.

They live with their mum and she has a really good job and can afford to lavish everything on them.

They just need to look at something and she buys it for them. Her family are well off too, so it’s all buy, buy, buy.

Now they are spoilt, ungrateful, and generally unhappy unless they get what they want.

I have asked my ex to try and not give in to their demands, but she said if she can afford to spoilt them, she will, and that it’s not her fault I’m poor!

I’m not poor. I have a job, but by the time I pay all my living expenses I don’t have much left for expensive gifts which is why I am dreading Christmas again this year, and I don’t know how to tell my kids that they can’t have the expensive things they want.  

My daughter mentioned an £800 mobile phone, but even if I could afford it, I don’t believe it’s right to spend that amount on one item for a 12-year-old.
I’m done trying to reason with everyone, so what do I do? Mike.

Dear Mike, being a good dad is not about flashing the cash.  

Children develop through a phase of learning respect, gratitude, kindness, honesty, integrity, sharing, love, values, and morals, amongst many other things. If you can instil some of these values in your children, then these life skills will be the greatest gift you can give them.

Let’s face it, having endless cash to buy expensive presents is the easy part, so let your ex and her family spend as they wish. You won’t stop them anyway.

Be honest. Explain to your children that unlike their mum, you simply do not have enough money to buy expensive presents. I can’t imagine they will think any less of you, in fact, they will most likely appreciate your honesty.

Search for what you can afford on Gumtree. People sell unwanted gifts which are still boxed. Try car boot sales and charity shops too. Look for freebies, and discount two for one tickets.
Looking back, wasn’t it the fun times spent with your parents you remember more than what you received? 

Spend time making things together. Go for long walks in the woods with a picnic. Make happy memories. I promise you, when the expensive mobile is lost, and the newest trainers are binned, happy times spent with dad will be what they remember. 

Dear Janice, how can I shake off my ex?  

We split up a few months ago and although he wasn’t happy, he said that he would accept it and move on.

However, it seems that everywhere I go he is there. We know a lot of the same people so it’s not difficult to find out what’s happening and where I’m likely to be.

I don’t want to be rude or cause an atmosphere, so we end up talking and laughing with the others, but a few people have noticed that he is always watching to see who I am chatting to and who I leave with.

I never leave with anyone other than my girlfriends, but that’s not the point.
How can I get him to move on and leave me alone? Sarah.

Dear Sarah, it is one thing staying friends with your ex and being polite, but he is exploiting the fact that you are courteous and good-natured because he knows you are not the type (unlike many) to turn around and tell him to get lost.

He is stalking you. Pure and simple. And this type of behaviour can rapidly turn sour. Let’s face it, if he is going to the trouble of finding out where you are, and constantly turning up, he is not giving up on you, and is making no attempts to move on.

Explain to your friends that you now find it uneasy being in his company and that in order to move on from this relationship, they need to be more secretive, and stop divulging information about your whereabouts.

You could try and throw him off the scent by letting slip you are going one place, and last-minute change it to somewhere else. Any reasonable person would soon get the hint that they are not wanted.

But if he still appears, then with a friend accompanying you, tell him in no uncertain terms that your relationship is over and that you do not wish to be in his company again.

If he persists, contact the police. Hopefully, an official warning will be enough to give him the message.

Dear Janice, my friend constantly flirts with my husband, and he laps it up. It really upsets me, so how can I get it to stop without causing a scene? Joan.

Dear Joan, she flirts because she is getting a response. He laps it up because it boosts his ego.

Next time they flirt, cause a scene. Embarrass them both and walk away.
Humiliating them (which is what they are doing to you) should be enough to make it stop.  If not, you need to take an honest look at your relationship with both.