NEWS of Steven Gerrard’s departure has plunged one half of Glasgow into despair. 

After three-and-a-half years, Celtic fans have been forced to retire their ‘Slippy G’ patter. 

It’s also been a difficult week for Rangers supporters.

In some homes, fans have taken it on the chin. In others, Steven Gerrard has.

In some homes, fans have turned their back on Steven Gerrard. In others, he’s turned his back on them.

Not even desperate appeals to close contacts of Gerrard’s could change his mind.

As the 41-year-old’s move from his Scottish stepping stone to his English stepping stone was confirmed on Thursday, attention turned to his replacement at Ibrox. 

Finding an ideal replacement for a man of his stature will be easier said than done. We’re talking about a man who denied his rivals a title they’d been building towards for a decade, while leading Rangers to impressive Europa League runs. 

We’re also talking about a man who thinks sportsmen are books.

Here’s what you need to know about the names in contention for the job.

Giovanni van Bronckhorst: Radiates calmness and sophistication, qualities that Scottish football neither needs nor wants. NEXT. 

John Terry: A genuinely awful man, Terry would be subjected to constant abuse from fans at every away match and rightly so. The 40-year-old would provide continuity as a former England international known for a disastrous slip during a Chelsea match. Terry’s reputation would be a major draw for potential backroom staff such as Malky Mackay.

Neil Lennon: He’s already prevented one Celtic title.  

Charlie Adam: Already spends more time talking about Rangers than any Rangers manager will ever do. His repeated references to the Ibrox club are completely understandable given the amount of spare time on his hands. It would be more of an issue if he was, say, captain of another Scottish Premiership side who are scheduled to play Rangers in three weeks.

Middle-aged Celtic Blogger: No manager in their right mind will take on a new job without being given certain guarantees when it comes to the transfer market, and no-one has a greater understanding of how much money is left at Ibrox than ‘Celtic’ bloggers.

Derek McInnes: His concomitance has been questioned in the past, but if the rumours are to be believed the Rangers shop could soon be launching a ‘Gilet Boys’ range.

Callum Davidson: Would represent a significant step down from Gerrard, having only won twice as many trophies last season. 

Graeme Murty: Well, obviously.

Russell Martin: A relatively unknown quantity as manager, but was brought to Rangers by Graeme Murty and so possesses the requisite BYE (Banter Years Energy). 

Lana Wolf: Players trudge into the tunnel at half-time, a goal down and demoralised. Sometimes a rousing speech is what’s called for. What happens, though, when words aren’t enough?

Decapitated Cardboard Cutout of Steven Gerrard: One Gerrard that can be guaranteed to not walk away.

Rino Gattuso: Signed Kyle Lafferty during his time as Palermo manager, so retains an interest in staunch daftness. Still unconvinced? Picture Gattuso shouting instructions at Alfredo Morelos. Need one more push? They’re at Pittodrie being goaded by Scott Brown.

At the time of writing, the choice appears to be between the promising track record and ambitious outlook of Giovanni van Bronckhorst and 10 months of anarchy and chaos with Rino Gattuso.

The campaign for Gattuso begins here.