OHHHH... argh... oofffff...! I was in absolute agony after a gym session and had finally given in and booked a neck and shoulder massage at a nearby Chinese herbal medicine shop.

“Argh... this is very painful.” I hoped my masseuse would get the hint that I was not enjoying this.

“Your muscles are very, very bad,” my torturer informed me.

“You’re very tight here and here.” She prodded my shoulders, at which point I almost hit the roof.

“Get in some hot water and relax.”

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So, for once, I did as I was instructed, and as soon as I got home, I began preparing for my very long relaxing hot soak.

Firstly, I raked in the hall cupboard and pulled out a small heater and extension cable to heat my bathroom as it is never quite warm enough, and as my water isn’t quite hot enough either, I put on the kettle and a couple of pots of water to boil.

Then, out came my luxury Christmas candles which I lit and placed all around the bath.

Fluffy towels were heating, as I poured a generous amount of Himalayan healing salts into the bath, topped up with lots of foamy bubble bath.

“Music,” I thought.

“I need some chill-out sounds.”

So, after a good old rummage, I found my Bluetooth shower speaker which I stuck on to the bathroom mirror and put on a track by Enya.

“Her music puts you to sleep at the best of times,” I thought to myself, as Enya’s haunting sounds filled my bathroom.

“Sail away, sail away, sail away...” Her silky voice did start to relax me, and after topping up my bathwater with the kettle and pots, I was all set for an hour of tranquillity.

“Mmm... this is lovely.” My Chinese masseuse had the right idea.

However, very soon I started wriggling and wriggling as I couldn’t quite get comfy because the Himalayan healing salts were jagging into my backside!

I reached for a face towel which I put under my bum and the relief was instant.

“Sail away, sail away, sail away.”

The hot steamy water was now reaching right through to my aching muscles, and I reckoned I’d be a new pain-free woman by the time I got out of this bath.

Next minute.

Beeeeeep. Beeeeeep. Beeeeeep. A very loud, high-pitched sound alerted me that my dishwasher, which was just through the wall, had finished its cycle.

Beeeeeep. Beeeeeep. Beeeeeep.

Unable to ignore the infuriating beeping, I hauled myself out of the bath and dripped water everywhere as I finally switched the blinkin’ thing off.

Back in the now not-so-hot bath, I closed my eyes and exhaled deeply.

“Argh... lovely.”

“Sail away, sail away, sail away.”

Ring ring. Ring ring. Ring ring. I had forgotten to put my mobile on silent and whoever was looking for me wasn’t for giving up.

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“I’ll ring you back.” Water dripped over my phone as I threw it back on to the bathmat.

After a few minutes, suddenly my Bluetooth speaker, which was suctioned to my now wet bathroom mirror, came loose and plonked straight into the toilet bowl!

“Oh no.” I peered over the side of the bath to see its blue lights still flashing, and Enya now very slowly gurgling.

“Shail... awaaaaay... shail awaaaaay... shail awaaaaay.”

I stared at the toilet for ages, but decided to leave Enya in the toilet bowl and slide back into the lukewarm water again.

“Shail... awaaaaay... shail awaaaaay... shail awaaaaay.”

Next minute, as I was trying not to get irritated by the lukewarm water and Enya slurring her lyrics, in slow motion, I noticed one of my luxury Christmas candles edging ever so slightly towards the bath water.

Plonk. It was now in the bath with me. Quick as a flash, I leapt like a salmon out of the bath and stood examining the large droplets of wax sticking to my legs like giant blisters.

“Oh well,” I puffed.

“This is a new way of waxing my legs!’

At this point, I realised that relaxing in a hot bath was not meant to be, so I dried myself and flopped on to the couch when my daughter called.

“How’s your back after your relaxing bath, mum?” She enquired.

“How’s my back?” I squawked.

“It’s blinkin’ worse, and I’ll tell you why Jenna.”

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I then began a rant about endless interruptions, lukewarm water, ferrying heavy pots back and forth, trailing extension cables and heaters – and I was just about to tell her about the candle when...

“What’s that strange noise in the background mum?”

“Shail... awaaaaay... shail awaaaaay... shail awaaaaay.”

“Eh... Oh, that’s Enya,” I explained.

“She fell down the toilet.”

“Who’s Enya and why...

“Listen Jenna,” I cut her off as I added: “I’ll call you back, because I’m still picking wax off my body, then I’ve got to scrape it off the bath, mop the wet floors, and...

I’ve still got to fish Enya out of

the toilet!”